smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
