apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
