Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
