Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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