I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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