ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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