i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
