at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
