were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
