you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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