theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
