Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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