First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
