piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
