hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
