I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
