I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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