Where is the hickey?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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