Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
