guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
