I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
