so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
