Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
