I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
