Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
