but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
