Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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