took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
