I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
