I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
