i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
