I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
