I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
