Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
