Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
