i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
