last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
