She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
