sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
