Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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