Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
