I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
