very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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