Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
