Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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