He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
