Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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