He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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