My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
