I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
