Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
