im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
