this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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