I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
